At Your Request

I'm sharing this story at the request of some of my avid readers, who also know how crazy my life is. It's been a while since this happened, but I hope I get all the details right. Last time I went home to be a stay-at-home daughter, I was able to go out on the town a few nights. One night was especially fun. We were at a local intoxication location and in walks a group of men all wearing black, about 12 of them. All the girls went crazy. I asked my friends who they were, and in between their gasping and squealing they informed me of the greatness that had just entered....UFC fighters.
Apparently, these were brothers and one of them won a reality UFC show on Spike hosted by Sly Stone. Now they both fight and according to the BFF, posters of these 2 are all over. They are a big freaking deal. I'm a lover, not a fighter, so I knew nothing of these facts. I must admit. They were cute. The BFF couldn't catch her air recalling the last time she saw them and how she talked to them and made a fool of herself.
Having had a brother participate in the wrestling in high school, I knew why some of their posse had cauliflower ears and flattened noses. I was intrigued. I've never really followed the UFC, I thought it amusing. Like I stated earlier, they are a big freaking deal. So all the girls were hanging all over them. I wasn't going to be that way, so I just sent the vibe. You know, the vibe. Good thing my vibe is aeronautically transmitted and was picked up by one of the brothers.
He comes to talk to us and the other one follows. Here's how the conversation starts out, note that the one I think is cute has a black eye, he's the one talking to me.
Me "What happened to your face?"
Him "I got hit in the eye."
Me "That sucks."
Him "Yeah, I actually got hit twice in the same spot."
Me "Well, maybe next time you should move your face."
Him "Thanks, I'll remember that."
then some stupid bar tender comes up and kisses butt over the boy's last fight like a little kid meeting a super hero. Hater.
Me "oh, you're a fighter."
Him "Yeah."
Me "That's nice."
Chat, Chat, Chat nothing really too important for the dialogue part of this story.

Then some girl who had been all over them earlier comes by. She gives us a really nasty glance and then say Bye as she tries to dismiss us. Hater. The fighters see this little cat action and wait for our response. The BFF and I live up the moment and tell her thanks, we had a great time, hope she did too, maybe we'll see her again, drive safe blah blah blah with super cheery voices and ultra fake smiles, that come off as nice.
The fighters see how we have averted this low blow of a villainous attack and laugh at the girl who is now frustrated. Jokes on you honey, turns out fighters love lovers, not haters. They actually seemed like decent guys, and hadn't taken too many hits to the head. With my advice, I'm sure that the percentage of hits to the head will greatly decrease. I can't wait to see them next time I go home and catch up on all the good times we've had.
I hope Truth reads this and thinks I'm going to start dating fighters. I think I just might. He is pictured above.

Top Secret: For Your Eyes Only

This weekend I decided to take a super-secretive getaway to an undisclosed location in Utah. Now, if you are one of my blog followers in that great state and did not know of my travels, please do not be offended. It was G-14 classified and I couldn't say anything. Only now, that the mission is almost over can I release the Utah information. Other than that, I can't say disclose my exact location. The mission was classified and I wasn't even able to bring a camera to document the events or gather evidence.
One of those events was a wedding reception of a good friend at a nice restaurant called La Caille. For all you Spanish speakers, it's pronounced La Cai or at least that's what I think it would sound like in Spanish. But I don't speak the Spanish, so don't listen to me. It was a nice place, food was ok, but I was more excited with the fact that snow was a mere 20 feet from my presence. This may not seem like a big deal to some of you, but for a Cali-girl like me, this is big stuff. It even warranted me taking off my heels and walking on the cold ground in some sort of vineyard to go a touch it. Yah, I'm ridiculous like that.
The next day I ate lunch at a great pizzeria in Oreo, near Provm called Pizzeria 712 with Quickhands, Terreno di Amore and JB. Q and T quizzed JB about his work with dwarf businesses. It's a rapidly growing field and Q and T are thinking of starting a dwarf business. Check out Quickhand's blog for more info on the lunch and my snow playing. The pictures don't accurately depict my air time while jumping on snow. I am infatuated with snow. Just can't get enough.
The Q and I went to test drive Smart Cars. I like them. We saw a lot of them in Italy and always wanted to drive one. In Europe they are able to do some crazy parallel parking moves that no one believed me were possible, but the saleswomen confirmed my hypothesis, so take that haters! Of course, we had to stop by the gelateria in downtown Provm because it's so good. The guy working the counter was really excited about our pronunciation of the Italian words and most especially the way I said "Mango" and not "Mango" Can't you just hear the difference?
Then I napped, which really has been an important part of our trip. I am loving the sleep time that I am able to achieve here, and am most grateful for my hosts for allowing me such comforts.
Today we went on a little walk across the freeway twice, near the rocket ship, in vicinity of the railroad tracks, in 2 different cities, in close proximity to horses and past the WalMart. You don't do that everyday or all in one hour like we did. Then I went to buy stuff at the WalMart in preparation for the Easter Egg hunt tomorrow. I'm so excited because being adults now, I thought it only proper to fill the eggs with the good candy and not the crappy candy. So eggs are filled with Ferrero Rocher and Lindt. I can't wait to hide them!

And the Winner Is......

JEREMY!!!!!
Yesterday I was in attendance of a most excellent egg dying competition at the home of Steremy or Jephanie, however you want to look at it. I didn't think I would be in attendance, but I figured not even the bird flu could keep me away from the festivities. As an attendee of last year's galla, I knew who the main competitors were, what their strengths were and what to expect again from them. I didn't really participate last year, but scoped out the egging abilities. This year I had several entries to the contest, but only one that I was sure would be a hit. He's name was Jeremy.
I know, I know, where on earth did I get this inspiration from? It's mind-bottling. He was a plain white egg with certain stickers on him like blue eyes, a mustache, a nose and lips. But then I had to draw in a beard and a receding hairline to make him look like my inspiration. I even gave him reddish highlights and the correct neckline. The best part was having to secretly watch my inspiration across the room and try to make it look exactly like him without him noticing.
I knew it would be one of the top 3 winners, when people were going over to the judging booth and laughing. The top 3 winners got prizes, but I was going for the gold. There was a computerized voting method and votes were cast. My 2 big competitors were John Rambegg,(Rambo)and ghetto bling(a very sparkly ghetto egg that looked like a rap artist would have it hanging from his or her neck). Well, the results came back and I was tied with Ghetto Bling, which I must admit I voted for as well. We had to have a vote off and I WON!!!!! The score was 7-6 and little Jer took it home. My prize was a fantabulous gift pack of cookie cutters, decorations, and a cookie spatula in a nice easter basket. How cool is that?
I was very glad that I attended and won the prize. I look forward to more friendly competitions like this with the maker of Ghetto Bling and to beat him again and again and again. JK, he voted for me and that's why I won.
I'm glad that my inspiration wasn't offended and actually laughed at the whole thing. What a great sport he is and thanks for the great party.

Campbell's Turning 12

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAMPBELL!!!
My car has been nick-named Campbell because of it's minute size, one of it's many blessings in my book and why I bought a VW. Campbell as in Campbell's soup because its about the size of a soup can. Even though you can recline the seats and sleep in it(something my grandfather pointed out to me and I can't wait for those homeless days to come)it still is easily parked in the super small parking spots in SD.
But as I was fulfilling my duties at a stay-at-home daughter and I got to drive a much newer car, I noticed some differences. Like how the AC works right away or how it still has all the hubcaps and lighting coverings on the car. Things not necessary for a car to run, but just nice things. And I almost thought maybe it's time to buy a new car. It didn't help that my brother and mother were all for buying a new car right then.
Honestly though, I'm keeping Campbell until the bitter end....his bitter end that is. I love not having a car payment and it runs great still. Sure it has a kill switch for a starter that makes me feel like a race car driver...which leads to my incredible traveling speeds. Yes, I'm blaming my love of speed on a car switch. And every now and then it gives me problems, but overall I have been very pleased with his performance and see no need to give him a pink slip. So until he drops dead on the road, I think I'm going to stick with my shorty.

What Dr. Phil Thinks of Me

Recently I took a Dr. Phil personality test. It wasn't the first time that I actually took the test, but I retook and scored about the same or maybe even better. I have a couple of people who love to send me facebook quizzes and normally they are really retarded, but this one actually interested me. Here are my results:

I scored 52 on Dr. Phil's personality test
Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, one who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.

PS this is the same category as Oprah and Dr. Phil I must be doing something right. Yeah, I was feeling much better about this test as compared to the accent test where some machine told me I spoke like someone from the Great Lakes/New York area.
But I've already wasted too much time on these things.

When Laughter Is Not the Best Medicine

There's an old adage that laughter is the the best medicine. Well, I would normally agree, but in lieu of recent events I must contradict. Truth has decided to slice and dice her innards and to make me come home and be her own personal lackey. So before I flew home to beautiful S-Town, I had numerous opportunities to speak to her on the phone. Surgery on the abs are not for woosies because to try to cheer sick people up, the easiest thing to do is crack a joke. But in this case it's actually the worst thing one can do.
As a concerned human being(HairofGold) for the welfare of an aquaintace(Truth) I didn't know what else to do, but crack jokes. That and whenever faced in an awkward or difficult situation, my filter seems to disappear and a fountain of inappropriate remarks flows. So on the phone I would crack a joke, then she would laugh(which I thought was a good way to make things better) then say to stop, grab her stomach and make a moan. It wasn't until I arrived that I noticed how laughter was actually killing Truth.
Every time she started to laugh too hard, she would hurt herself more, maybe taking out a stitch on her stomach or on her innards(I can't make a definitive statement because they are hidden to the outside world) Or maybe the laughter is able to somehow infiltrate her blood and poison it so she has high blood pressure. I'm also thinking that the laughter is to blame for the sudden increase in her acquisition of liquids(11 lbs in 3 days). This only proves how powerful laughter really is and how we should only use it in moderate uses. I'm thinking of starting a laughter awareness group. The public has a right to know of all the damage that laughter really can do. And it not only affects adults, but children too can be under its deadly influences.
So what am I supposed to do now? How am I to help the situation if I can't make her laugh? Am I some sort of dealer of laughter that only worsens someone's life by giving them something they want but it really just hurts them more? Am I handing Truth a spoonful of poison every time I bring a smile to her face. I need to do more research on this.
I knew that the laughter was not the best, but I thought it was limited to the deep soulful laughter that made her pain levels go through the roof. I later found out that even little giggles, mild crackles and silent humms were slowing taking time off Truth's person years. But as a laughter dealer, I don't have my clients best interest at heart.
To demonstrate this I'll give you an example. I turned on Tommy Boy and it was the part where Chris Farley and David Spade are in the hotel and Chris has on David's jacket and starts to sing "Fat Guy in a Little Coat." Truth is a big fan of the movie, but flat out refused to watch, covered her eyes, started to hum and covered up her ears. Which I must add, only makes me laugh, but then I feel bad and turn it off. I hope this passes soon so that I am no longer considered the "Dealer of Death" to Truth. Also, so that she doesn't hurt anymore. But like a dealer, I only have my own interests at heart.